Becoming a Big
Brother

by Nadine Keller

When I first found out I was pregnant with my second child, I was filled with absolute joy and excitement. The second emotion I had was surprisingly one of slight sadness and fear in wondering how this

would affect my relationship with my first son, Tristan, who a
little over 2 ½ when I discovered I was pregnant with my
second child. Would he feel jealous or hurt? How would this affect our whole family dynamic? I had loved so much the time I had had alone with Tristan, who taught me how to be a mother; he was my little buddy, my great love, the pride and joy of my husband, Andrew, and I. We decided to include Tristan very
early on in the pregnancy process. Many people advised to
wait until I was 'showing' to tell him, but my gut told me
otherwise - besides I wanted him to be a part of the journey
and have plenty of time to adjust- this kid had been the center
of attention not only for Andrew & I but for six grandparents and
all of our friends who had no children.

The pregnancy was smooth sailing- Tristan became more and more excited the closer it came to the birth. He was absolutely certain he was having a 'broder.' I felt I might be having a girl
so tried to help him accept the possibility of a sister, but nope!
Not once did he ever stray from the fact that HIS little BROTHER was in the belly. He sang to the baby in the belly. He picked out little toys and books and clothes for the new baby. He went thru this funny stage where he was convinced that he, too, had a
baby in the belly. It actually became his refuge if he were being tickled too much by the daddy. "No Daddy! Stop! You're hurting
my Baby!!!!" And on our trip to Hawaii when I was 6 months pregnant, everyone laughed how Tristan would say " I want the lotion on my back, my boobies and my baby." He talked to mothers with babies all about his soon to be born brother and how he was going to be a 'dotor' like Midwife Jen and help get
the baby out. We were having a home birth and wanted to have him with us, he would be 3 ½ at that point and seemed fine
when we went over the 'sounds screams and howls' Mommy might make when she had to push the baby out. He very calmly always answered, "I will help you, Mommy."

The due date passed and Tristan was getting just as anxious
as we were. He would come hold the belly and very loudly say "Baby, you have to come out now! It's ok Baby, you can come
out because I had to come out the 'giina' too. And when you
come out you can get "Buh" (our nickname for nursing) and be very warm & comfy. We will take care of you, Baby, so please come out sooooooon!"

The night I was in labor, Tristan was extremely matter of fact about the whole thing. He checked in on me every few minutes. He came and talked to me while I was having pretty strong contractions backwards on the toilet all wet and shaking
because I was jumping in & out of the shower. He just kept touching me, "It's ok Mommy, I will help you." He brought witch hazel pads which I had wanted handy for the burning I remembered not only from pushing but from everything leaving your body before you even got into major labor, and of course
the burning of the bulging head coming down.

When my friends arrived to help out he was more interested in socializing and watching a video, but to their surprise (I heard later) at the screams I was hollering out, Tristan assured them "Oh Mommy is just pushing out the Baby."

When they heard the baby cries outside of the birthing room, I'm told that Tristan with excitement initiated that they sing "Happy Birthday" (his favorite song)- a wonderful, beautiful and Angelic sound of four women and my little Tristan to welcome the new member of the family. Tristan was the first to come in and see
his new, YEP, Baby BROTHER!!!!!! He was the only one all
along to know it was a boy. J I was wonderfully astonished! Tristan just looked and smiled at us all, I was in the birthing tub with the placenta still inside me and Trevor (the name we eventually decided on) still attached to the cord. Trevor wasn't even five minutes old when he started bopping his head up and down on my chest, rootin', and Tristan said, " Mommy, he wants 'Buh', please give him the 'Buh'." Very observant and generous
I thought for a little boy who had only stopped breastfeeding a year ago and still held my breast every day as the comfort measure he took up after weaning. The proud Big Brother then left to go announce the arrival of his little Baby Brother.

Two days after the birth, Andrew, Trevor and I woke up to the sounds of a frustrated Tristan in his room grunting and
struggling with something. For the first time EVER Tristan had gotten himself out of bed and was trying to get himself dressed for school by pulling shorts on with an already buckled belt in
the shorts. He was very very excited to go to school and tell his friends about his new baby Brother, Trevor. And that morning marks the moment when Tristan became the Big Brother. He
now dressed himself, brushed his teeth by himself, quickly stopped 'holding the Buh', and overnight he went from my
baby to a little boy who is a great helper.

My favorite thing that Tristan does in his new role is call Trevor 'our Baby' and 'his' Baby. Whenever we're out and we see a
baby, Tristan proudly goes over to the adult and says, "That's
just like OUR Baby, or MY Baby," or "I/ we have a baby like that." It's really really sweet and I'm so happy he feels the connectedness not only as a brother, but as caretaker. Every morning and every day that he comes home from school, the
first thing Tristan does is look for Trevor. He now not only
hones in on toy commercials for himself, but now he wants to
buy baby toys or baby food for Trevor- his list of wants and
needs now go far beyond those of a three year old, but include every little gadget one 'needs' (not!) for an infant!

J He loves to change Trevor's diapers with me, he especially loves to insepct the poops to see how much Trevor is growing. And now he likes to change Trevor's diapers when I'm not
there, so I'll come out of the bathroom or kitchen and see
Tristan running to the diaper bin with a wet or soiled or dry
diaper in hands, looking for the wipes, announcing "Mom,
Trevor 'peeped'." Or I'll find them on the couch, Trevor naked
and smiling up at Tristan while he 'peeps' all over his clean clothes, the couch and Tristan.

Oh yes, and now I seem to be "Mom" to Tristan, no longer just 'Mommy." Tristan has also discovered the art of lying since becoming a big brother. Trevor already seems to have the
ability at three months to climb the kitchen counter, get cookies and bring them to the couch, hide my knitting needles and yarn, throw pillows off the couch and bring out every toy in Tristan's room and display them all over the living room coffee table. Talented little baby! Tristan innocently looks up at us, "I not did something, Trevor did!" Amazing! Even when caught in the act- "but I not did something, Trevor did!"

I've also caught Tristan attempting to drag Trevor off of our bed out into the living room. In an instant I've magically found Trevor seated in the love seat when I know he was snuggled into the couch. Let me inform you that Tristan weighs barely 28 pounds and Trevor is already about 15 pounds. Tristan's latest Big Brother task is to "burp" Trevor. I was stunned when I looked on the couch one day to find Tristan sitting down, holding Trevor, head bopping all around barely over Tristan's shoulder as he patted Trevor's back, "I burping Trevor, Mom!" I was about to
scold him and pull Trevor away but he had the biggest proudest smile and Trevor was smiling and laughing more than I'd ever seen him laugh. And they'd look at each other, laugh some
more and go back to the patting & head bopping.

And I remembered that I have a little brother and I used to dress him up and drag him around and once I even carried him up a huge hill and up several terraces of gutters in back of our house while he bled uncontrollably all over me. I was six years old and he was barely two, he had picked up some glass he found and sliced the middle of his hand which bled furiously on every
water pipe we had to climb over because I couldn't carry him
over the pipes. He ended up having about 10 stitches in the
palm of his little hand and I totally ruined my beautiful brand
new skirt outfit from Gramma Jean. No matter- I'd saved my
little brother. But we made it, Ben and I, through many many adventures growing up and probably less than half of them did my Mother ever know about.

So I try whenever possible to let Tristan and Trevor alone. And trust that they'll be safe and hope that I'll never be in a position that I let them wander off so far on their own that they'll be hills
or blocks away from home with an artery knicked just bleeding away while they innocnetly try to make it home, afraid Mommy
will be angry about the ruined new clothes. I already can tell
they have a very special bond. Tristan sings to him still and
tells him about HOT WHEELS and candy & sugar that he can
eat "on Sat-day" (our sugar restriction), and how he'll share all
his toys with him as long as Trevor always shares his stroller.
My favorite sound has always been the sweet breath and little snores of Tristan sleeping next to me. I feel very blessed now
that he's in his own bed and room that I have new little Trevor sleeping next to me and I am soothed by his gentle breathing.
My favorite sounds now are when Tristan does sneak back into our bed, his arms around Trevor who nurses and Tristan's little hands touching his Mommy while he holds his little brother
and I fall back asleep to Tristan's little snores and the sweet gentle swallows of Trevor nursing in his sleep. And though I do
try and be a little protective of Trevor with Tristan, I swear little Brother, Trevor Carmichael, only smiles his really BIG sparkly eyed smiles for Tristan and he saves the REALLY GREAT big
jolly baby belly laughs for his Big Brother, Tristan Harold.